Collateral Damage and the Youth of Zion
By Patti Landes Adams
In a popular American city, huge, elaborate hotels are built to entertain its visitors. It is a gambling city, and gambling permeates every aspect of the hotel industry. As hotels are designed, architects build into the blueprints an element known as collateral damage. Collateral damage refers to the expected cost of human life. For example, one hotel anticipated that at least two men would probably die during construction due to the dangerous nature of the design. Only one man actually lost his life in the construction of this particular hotel, but he left a family—parents who grieve for him—for a hotel that entertains others. One doubts there is a plaque honoring him hanging in the lobby.
Collateral damage exists in war, firefighting, and police service. The difference is that men die saving other people’s lives and preserving freedoms. There is honor in this kind of death. We seem better able to deal with death when there is a purpose—when the person died doing something good or heroic, or defending a worthy cause. Still, families grieve at lives lost.
A different collateral damage faces parents in today’s society. Young people in and out of the Church are suffering spiritual death by the thousands. The temptations of society, the demands to grow up too quickly in a media-sophisticated, drug-filled world has claimed the spiritual, and too often physical lives of our precious children. We knew this was coming. It was prophesied in the scriptures again and again. We feel sorrow when it is someone else’s son, and anguish when it is our own son.
Years ago, when my two oldest children were in second grade and kindergarten, they were in public school; the same public school that I had attended. The program seemed great at first. My kindergartner even had a teacher that had been my favorite. But after a while I noticed they came home with an attitude. They were belligerent and a little disrespectful—not my sweet offspring! It took us until bedtime to get our children back. One day it dawned on me that we were going to reach a point when the evening hours would not be enough for us to reclaim their personalities. The attitude would become who they were, permanently.
Later, when my kindergartner came home and told me he had learned at school from his classmates where babies came from, I was horrified. Another morning I kept my second grade daughter home a few extra minutes to complete the daily chores that she had resisted doing. She had begun dawdling in the morning. I knew that ten minutes of missed schoolwork would be worth the lesson learned. When she arrived at the office to check in, she was asked why she was late. She responded honestly and was told, “You tell your mother that nothing at home is more important than you being here at school on time. Do not be late again!” This bothered my daughter; not that she had been reprimanded, but that someone felt they had more stewardship over her than her mom had.
That summer we took charge of our children’s education and have been doing so ever since. They have been taught at home, and have been educated in Latter-day Saint gospel-based schools. What adventures we have had! I have experienced the joy of seeing my children learn things about the world for the first time. We studied the Holy Scriptures every day as they grew, and talked often about their divine missions. We struggled together and we enjoyed victories together. My children shed the attitude. We didn’t see it emerge again until about age fifteen. It only lasted for about six months, and was replaced by kind, respectful, young adults with whom we love to spend time.
I have had people over the years ask me about our choices in education. They always go back to the argument that children need the socialization that public schools can provide. I respond with “Although I was raised in a gambling town, I am not a gambling person. I don’t gamble at all, much less with that which I am not willing to lose. I don’t like collateral damage.”
Yes, I understand that coming to Earth was a risk. I know that Satan’s plan was a sure way without freedom and that the Father’s way included risk—even collateral damage—that some would choose not to return. But I believe in improving the odds and I believe He does, too. He sent His Son to show us the way and improve our chances of returning, knowing His Son would be mocked, scourged, and brutally murdered. He sent prophets and apostles whom he knew would also be mocked and killed. He sent the flood to give the future generations a chance to be raised righteously. He sacrificed much to help give me and my family every chance to get back. I owe my own precious children, my divine stewardship, nothing less.
Another argument raised is “Public schools need our children to be good examples, to be missionaries.” The Church calls missionaries at age nineteen; twenty-one for women. The Church feels that a person is mature enough at this age to represent the Church in a dignified manner, and is grounded enough in his or her own testimony to withstand the spiritual opposition. If my seventh grader is sent to school to be an example and proselyte, there will undoubtedly be others “proselyting” to him. Unfortunately, some are teachers sharing their beliefs as fact, steering my child to explore ideas that conflict with gospel truths. Others may be good Christian kids who are sharing different religious beliefs than we hold. Most likely, many are non-Christians who are sharing contrary moral beliefs and making them sound very exciting to my precious son. He is human. He can choose the things that are presented to him as fun, cool, and “in,” no matter how often we hold Family Home Evening or read our scriptures as a family. In addition, the age group isolation that occurs in public schools means that he has to face the pressure, persuasion, disapproval, shaming, teasing, and mocking of not one or two immature adversaries at a time, but a collective mass. For him, “everybody is doing it,” because he has so little exposure to the majority that are not. He has a greater chance of becoming collateral damage of the system. His opportunity to be a missionary in such an environment against such odds, before he is spiritually ready is simply not worth it to me. In addition, home education is not solitary confinement. With planning, our children can interact with other children and adults in many settings, still providing the opportunity for example and influence. My own children have played on athletic teams, attended proms, bettered their community, and cared for orphans in South America.
Still another argument is “I cannot teach my own children. I am not a teacher.” We teach our children every day. We teach them to walk, to talk, to tie their shoes. We teach them what we believe by what we say and by what we don’t say. Are parents not, in most cases, the best teachers for their own children? Parents have two things going for them that educational institutions cannot touch—an intimate knowledge of a child’s strengths and weaknesses, with a vested interest in the child’s well-being; and the inspiration of the Holy Ghost through prayer to know what an individual child needs.
The biggest concern I believe parents have is that they do not have the academic skills to help their children to be competitive in today’s world. This is a valid concern. Educating your children can be intimidating. Years ago when we began educating at home, we were questioned, talked about, and thought to be fringe extremists. Any materials we had were scrounged textbooks from Deseret Industries and whatever else we could find. Today, more and more, home educators are being seen by others as spiritual heroes possessing the courage to go the extra mile for their children.
Now more than ever, parents do not need degrees to teach their children.
1) Gospel-based curriculum programs are coming on the market every day: ranging from outlines and guides which allow for freedom and flexibility, to complete, well-rounded, parent-friendly curriculums based on gospel principles, while providing full academic stimulation. The LDS Home Educators Association (LDSHEA) and LDS National Homeschool Association (LDS-NHA) are the best resources to discover what will work best for your family. They can be found on the internet.
2) Often successful home education is a joint exploration–parents and children learning something new together. Education is as much about learning how to learn as it is about acquiring information and understanding, and that can be done together.
3) LDS and Christian home education groups are springing up everywhere. Within these groups, parents who may be stronger in certain subjects can offer support to parents who feel less confident.
Home education does require the extra mile. Mothers may need to abandon a fulfilling career; recreational vehicles and designer clothing may have to wait; and families may even need to consider a home cottage business to fill the financial gap of mother’s lost income—but it can be done, and is being done by thousands of families all over the world.
I do not want to say that all children who attend public school will make poor choices. Parent involvement in community schools has a positive impact. Gospel teaching in the home is vital. Most administrators and teachers in public education work hard to provide the best environment they can. Billions of dollars are spent annually to fix the situation, but will the needed change be brought about quickly enough to save our children? I believe that no amount of money can ever recapture the innocence we have lost.
It is a great blessing to be able to prayerfully choose what is best for our own children. Each family must personally decide what risks they are willing to take with their children’s physical and spiritual safety. We want them to grow in faith and wisdom so that when we are not looking, they will choose what is right and good, and what will bring them the most happiness. How tragic it is when they choose otherwise. It breaks our hearts. Although we must allow their right to choose, we can and should do all we can to minimize their chances of becoming collateral damage.
©2007 Patti Landes Adams, All Rights Reserved
By Patti Landes Adams
In a popular American city, huge, elaborate hotels are built to entertain its visitors. It is a gambling city, and gambling permeates every aspect of the hotel industry. As hotels are designed, architects build into the blueprints an element known as collateral damage. Collateral damage refers to the expected cost of human life. For example, one hotel anticipated that at least two men would probably die during construction due to the dangerous nature of the design. Only one man actually lost his life in the construction of this particular hotel, but he left a family—parents who grieve for him—for a hotel that entertains others. One doubts there is a plaque honoring him hanging in the lobby.
Collateral damage exists in war, firefighting, and police service. The difference is that men die saving other people’s lives and preserving freedoms. There is honor in this kind of death. We seem better able to deal with death when there is a purpose—when the person died doing something good or heroic, or defending a worthy cause. Still, families grieve at lives lost.
A different collateral damage faces parents in today’s society. Young people in and out of the Church are suffering spiritual death by the thousands. The temptations of society, the demands to grow up too quickly in a media-sophisticated, drug-filled world has claimed the spiritual, and too often physical lives of our precious children. We knew this was coming. It was prophesied in the scriptures again and again. We feel sorrow when it is someone else’s son, and anguish when it is our own son.
Years ago, when my two oldest children were in second grade and kindergarten, they were in public school; the same public school that I had attended. The program seemed great at first. My kindergartner even had a teacher that had been my favorite. But after a while I noticed they came home with an attitude. They were belligerent and a little disrespectful—not my sweet offspring! It took us until bedtime to get our children back. One day it dawned on me that we were going to reach a point when the evening hours would not be enough for us to reclaim their personalities. The attitude would become who they were, permanently.
Later, when my kindergartner came home and told me he had learned at school from his classmates where babies came from, I was horrified. Another morning I kept my second grade daughter home a few extra minutes to complete the daily chores that she had resisted doing. She had begun dawdling in the morning. I knew that ten minutes of missed schoolwork would be worth the lesson learned. When she arrived at the office to check in, she was asked why she was late. She responded honestly and was told, “You tell your mother that nothing at home is more important than you being here at school on time. Do not be late again!” This bothered my daughter; not that she had been reprimanded, but that someone felt they had more stewardship over her than her mom had.
That summer we took charge of our children’s education and have been doing so ever since. They have been taught at home, and have been educated in Latter-day Saint gospel-based schools. What adventures we have had! I have experienced the joy of seeing my children learn things about the world for the first time. We studied the Holy Scriptures every day as they grew, and talked often about their divine missions. We struggled together and we enjoyed victories together. My children shed the attitude. We didn’t see it emerge again until about age fifteen. It only lasted for about six months, and was replaced by kind, respectful, young adults with whom we love to spend time.
I have had people over the years ask me about our choices in education. They always go back to the argument that children need the socialization that public schools can provide. I respond with “Although I was raised in a gambling town, I am not a gambling person. I don’t gamble at all, much less with that which I am not willing to lose. I don’t like collateral damage.”
Yes, I understand that coming to Earth was a risk. I know that Satan’s plan was a sure way without freedom and that the Father’s way included risk—even collateral damage—that some would choose not to return. But I believe in improving the odds and I believe He does, too. He sent His Son to show us the way and improve our chances of returning, knowing His Son would be mocked, scourged, and brutally murdered. He sent prophets and apostles whom he knew would also be mocked and killed. He sent the flood to give the future generations a chance to be raised righteously. He sacrificed much to help give me and my family every chance to get back. I owe my own precious children, my divine stewardship, nothing less.
Another argument raised is “Public schools need our children to be good examples, to be missionaries.” The Church calls missionaries at age nineteen; twenty-one for women. The Church feels that a person is mature enough at this age to represent the Church in a dignified manner, and is grounded enough in his or her own testimony to withstand the spiritual opposition. If my seventh grader is sent to school to be an example and proselyte, there will undoubtedly be others “proselyting” to him. Unfortunately, some are teachers sharing their beliefs as fact, steering my child to explore ideas that conflict with gospel truths. Others may be good Christian kids who are sharing different religious beliefs than we hold. Most likely, many are non-Christians who are sharing contrary moral beliefs and making them sound very exciting to my precious son. He is human. He can choose the things that are presented to him as fun, cool, and “in,” no matter how often we hold Family Home Evening or read our scriptures as a family. In addition, the age group isolation that occurs in public schools means that he has to face the pressure, persuasion, disapproval, shaming, teasing, and mocking of not one or two immature adversaries at a time, but a collective mass. For him, “everybody is doing it,” because he has so little exposure to the majority that are not. He has a greater chance of becoming collateral damage of the system. His opportunity to be a missionary in such an environment against such odds, before he is spiritually ready is simply not worth it to me. In addition, home education is not solitary confinement. With planning, our children can interact with other children and adults in many settings, still providing the opportunity for example and influence. My own children have played on athletic teams, attended proms, bettered their community, and cared for orphans in South America.
Still another argument is “I cannot teach my own children. I am not a teacher.” We teach our children every day. We teach them to walk, to talk, to tie their shoes. We teach them what we believe by what we say and by what we don’t say. Are parents not, in most cases, the best teachers for their own children? Parents have two things going for them that educational institutions cannot touch—an intimate knowledge of a child’s strengths and weaknesses, with a vested interest in the child’s well-being; and the inspiration of the Holy Ghost through prayer to know what an individual child needs.
The biggest concern I believe parents have is that they do not have the academic skills to help their children to be competitive in today’s world. This is a valid concern. Educating your children can be intimidating. Years ago when we began educating at home, we were questioned, talked about, and thought to be fringe extremists. Any materials we had were scrounged textbooks from Deseret Industries and whatever else we could find. Today, more and more, home educators are being seen by others as spiritual heroes possessing the courage to go the extra mile for their children.
Now more than ever, parents do not need degrees to teach their children.
1) Gospel-based curriculum programs are coming on the market every day: ranging from outlines and guides which allow for freedom and flexibility, to complete, well-rounded, parent-friendly curriculums based on gospel principles, while providing full academic stimulation. The LDS Home Educators Association (LDSHEA) and LDS National Homeschool Association (LDS-NHA) are the best resources to discover what will work best for your family. They can be found on the internet.
2) Often successful home education is a joint exploration–parents and children learning something new together. Education is as much about learning how to learn as it is about acquiring information and understanding, and that can be done together.
3) LDS and Christian home education groups are springing up everywhere. Within these groups, parents who may be stronger in certain subjects can offer support to parents who feel less confident.
Home education does require the extra mile. Mothers may need to abandon a fulfilling career; recreational vehicles and designer clothing may have to wait; and families may even need to consider a home cottage business to fill the financial gap of mother’s lost income—but it can be done, and is being done by thousands of families all over the world.
I do not want to say that all children who attend public school will make poor choices. Parent involvement in community schools has a positive impact. Gospel teaching in the home is vital. Most administrators and teachers in public education work hard to provide the best environment they can. Billions of dollars are spent annually to fix the situation, but will the needed change be brought about quickly enough to save our children? I believe that no amount of money can ever recapture the innocence we have lost.
It is a great blessing to be able to prayerfully choose what is best for our own children. Each family must personally decide what risks they are willing to take with their children’s physical and spiritual safety. We want them to grow in faith and wisdom so that when we are not looking, they will choose what is right and good, and what will bring them the most happiness. How tragic it is when they choose otherwise. It breaks our hearts. Although we must allow their right to choose, we can and should do all we can to minimize their chances of becoming collateral damage.
©2007 Patti Landes Adams, All Rights Reserved
Patti Adams is a former K-12 school administrator and teacher of grades 3 through 12. She currently oversees K-8 curriculum research and development for the Karl G. Maeser Academy.